Somehow through my daily daze I manage to accomplish finishing the work handed to me and walk out with nothing on my mind. I usually wonder as I’m leaving if I feel less stressed because I sat here thinking about myself all day or if it’s merely a feeling of relief that I am free to be out on the streets where my focus is not on the screen but on all the things moving around me. It might be that I am just too tired of thinking that my mind finally just goes blank. Is this what it feels like to have a day job?
I know that it is normal to question your life and the path it’s on, but I feel like I do that more than other people. It seems that other people keep jobs for two years or more, move up within a company and are satisfied with staying in one building for 10-20 years, only moving up…but not out (and sometimes not even up). I just don’t seem to be that happy with anything that I can do that. I’m always wondering, “What’s next?” and “Is this what I’m supposed to be doing?” How does one ever really know if they are on the right path? Isn’t there always something better out there? Wait, isn’t that what people say when they have a commitment problem? (Enter Tom Leykis - http://www.blowmeuptom.com/)
There’s a long list of events and situations I have experienced in life that may have made me the way I am; always moving, never any consistency, always someone different in charge growing up, randomly changing hair colors…who knows? Well, besides the psychiatrist I refuse to visit.
In some ways all of this made me stronger, in others it makes me the non-commital type who flounders along in her own sea of randomness. I prefer to be the stronger version of myself, sometimes it’s just hard to see her through the forest of thoughts and questions.
"The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating- in work, in play, in love. The act fills you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life."
- Anne Morriss
I stole this quote from a facebook page of a friend who has so many options that she finds it hard to commit to just one thing. She thinks it’s both a luxury and a curse, I think it’s because she’s just THAT talented. For me, this quote resonates deeply in my mind because of the fact that I don’t have a lot of choices, I just make rash decisions and hope for the best. I think I need a little commitment in my life.
Some people have it, and some don't. In the case of career and job changes, I would try to re-identify what you call a "commitment" issue as a healthy sense of ambition, and an even healthier lack of complacency. People who do the same job for 20 years are different people- they've come to realize that "this is probably the best there is"... or they make a safe decision, knowing they simply don't have enough years on this earth to find that rare, better thing. Maybe you're just not aware enough of the pressure of time yet, at your age? I'm only just starting to see doors close because of my age, and it's sad, so I'm trying to think a bit more like those "lifers" and less like the escape artist that I am, to try to make good decisions, because as we get older, the years just go by faster and faster. It's lunacy... but then again, life is lunacy, so why should anything we do/don't do in life be any different?
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you read my blog, "anonymous." Thanks fot your input!
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